Talking to children about growing up, relationships and sex
Children are bombarded with messages about relationships and sex from an increasingly young age – in advertising, on TV and even through fashion.
As parents we can’t shield our children from all these things but we can help by separating fact from fiction. By talking about growing up, relationships and sex, and by being open and honest, we can help children understand an increasingly confusing world. And the good news is that talking about relationships and sex does not encourage children to experiment. Instead it gives them the confidence to delay their first sexual experience and practise safer sex when they’re older.
Top Tips to get you started
NHS Bristol talked to parents in 2009 who asked for top tips, a website and face to face support. All of these are now available and you can find information, advice and resources on the website:
www.4ypbristol.co.uk/for-parents - Start early: The sooner you start, the easier it will be. It also means that you talk to your children before other people can give them conflicting or confusing information. Even if your child is older, they still appreciate the opportunity to talk. You could use storylines on TV or your own experiences of sex education to introduce the subject.
- Be open and honest: Children and teenagers get lots of information from their friends, other adults and the media and these messages can be wrong or incomplete. It’s so important that you answer questions truthfully to help separate fact from fiction. If you don’t know the answer, or don’t know how to answer don’t worry. Tell your child you will find out and will talk to them about it when you have found the answer. But you must remember to talk to them as soon as you can.
- Start the conversation: Try making it an everyday subject to be talked about in the car, over lunch or while washing up. This will help put your child at ease. For example, you could use events, like a family member getting pregnant, as a way to talk about babies and how they are made.
- Mums or Dads: Mums are often left to ‘do the talk’ but it is important that dads, or a male family member, get involved too. The make-up of families can be very different but male and female role models are important as children form their ideas about women and men from the adults around them.It’s also good to teach girls and boys about each other’s bodies so that there is no mystery around what happens to the opposite sex. For example, boys need to understand periods and girls need to understand wet dreams.
- Talk about emotions and feelings: It’s really important that you talk about values and emotions with your child rather than just giving medical facts about the body and how it works. This will help them understand good and bad relationships, what’s appropriate behaviour and the importance of love and respect in deciding whether to have sex or not.
- Always listen: By always listening to what your child is saying or asking, you help them feel good about themselves. By paying them attention, you show them that they are important and that what they have to say is worth listening to. It’s always good to ask your child what they know about a subject to get a better understanding of what they know, or think they know.
- Talk, talk, talk! It’s good for parents and carers to keep talking openly and honestly about growing up, relationships and sex as their children develop. For young children in particular, it can take a while for the information you give them to make sense so you may have to repeat something a few times before they understand. Also, if the conversation continues throughout their growing up, they’ll be more likely to come to you with questions or problems.
- Don’t just leave it to schools: It’s easy to expect schools to provide all sex education but it’s not a matter of one or the other. Schools and parents and carers have a vital job to do in ensuring that young people get everything they need to prepare themselves for healthy and fulfilled relationships.It’s a good idea to talk to your child’s school about what they’ll be teaching and when. You can understand what your role at home might be and talk to your child about what they learnt in case they have any questions.
- Learn more: No one expects you to be an expert. There are lots of resources available to help give you the confidence to talk to your children about the tricky topics of body parts, puberty sexuality, and sex.Check out the resources section of the 4YP NHS website for more advice and help: http://www.4ypbristol.co.uk/for-parents-resources.
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